I may look like a loser to you, but trust me imma winner all the way. 5 feet tall, im called kinda small, fierce & have a winner attitude, imma BOSS!

#%@&!! I FAILED.

yess, that was going through my mind when I got that phone call from my mentor. the three words you just DONT want to hear when ure waiting for the call of ur test results; ''bad news girl.'' At that moment I just wanted to bash someones head against te wall ( I know not very Christian like, but I'm being honest here), I wanted to throw a rock against my mirror, I wanted to scream so loud the windows would break. But I knew all of that wouldnt change the fact that i didnt pass my exams. What was going through my mind was ''shit.. vero shittt, another year filled w/ the same hard work?'' Felt real stupid, as the ground beneath me disapeared and I was falling and falling but didnt hit rock bottom. That was how important this was to me, every second of every day i was studying this year (okay im REALLY exaggerating, but it came real close).

I mean I wasnt expecting anything or something ( okay thats not true), but I certainly wasnt expecting to fail!! When I was done studying I was like yeahh im gonna nail that test I'm so prepared how hard can it be right, bring it on stupid finals! And then after every test I was like %$@#!!!  how is this possible? But ofcourse you dont assume it went that bad you'd fail right, I mean the grades I took with me werent all to great from what is usually expected from me but hey they were okay.. And maybe, just maybe it didnt go so bad. 

UHHHH, WRONG it went WORSE!!

So i was like, okay vero what went wrong? And deep inside i knew but i didnt want to face it ofcourse. And besides that God revealed it to me before i got the call, He showed me the answer to my prayers when I was reading the Bible. But i didnt want to hear anything about it. But after I got that call, i went back to the pages I was supposed to read. And there it was, the answer to what i have been doing wrong this whole school year. I was so caught up in my school work that I forgot the most important thing in the world, actually I didnt forget but i placed Him second. And that was God Himself. Dont get me wrong God is my life and I've always worshiped and praised Him in all I did. But when it came to school, that was way more  ''important'' to me than God. I placed God in the same box as I did school responsibilities. My fire for God decreased, my passion to praise Him every day. 

Never did I spend that much time into God as I have in school, never have I given prayer the priority instead of studying. When I think of all the church events, weddings, birthdays, get togethers I missed this year for nothing actually. I forgot the principal; ''God first and the rest will follow'' I changed it into; ''School first and the rest will follow.'' I knew i didnt even have the right to be angry because i handled it all wrongly. And I know now that everything happens for a reason this isnt some kind of punishment from God or something. This is just a lesson that I had to learn and I know that if I had passed I wouldnt learn it and would do the exact same thing next school year. He is giving me an oppertunity to do better, to do it differently and to get better grades. And another reason this gives me the oppertunity to think over this medical school again, because someone pointed out that she saw me doing well in law school. Hmm, we never know what God has in store for me. But I do know that this Has drawn me closer to Him in every kind of way. This has taught me that I really cant do anything by own strength and own wisdom. I am nothing if it isnt for The most high, how smart I may be, how gifted I am it means nothing if I dont have God in my life, and if I dont put Him first.  This has proven that we utterly depend on the Lord only!

Romans 8:28

''And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose.''

I just want this to be an encouragement for you, if you are going through some hard times, dont depend on your human strength. Because are sight is limited, but His sight is beyond our horizon. His ways are beyond our ways, you can speak words you never thought you'd speak, doors can be opened which were closed for you before. In times of stress dont ask where is this God of Israel.. Focus your sight towards Him and He will give you your hearts desires, I know I will succeed next year and all the years to come.

nothin' but love. <333