MELLIFLUOUS MUSING.

hey there all. 

I have been gone for a very long time, this is because my laptop broke down last year and it made blogging so difficult for me.

Much has happened in the past year. I PASSED my exams, I am studying European Studies now at the university, I have found love and am extremely happy and overly in love with my handsome boyfriend, I got a new job, followed Harvest Time Bible School for 6 weeks, experienced friendship at a whole other level which changed my life comepletely and so much more.

WAUW. Seriously 2013 has been such a great year for me and I am so utterly grateful to God! I owe it all to Him! When I look back at my previous posts, my crying out to the Lord, the tears I shed, the prayers I lacked to share, the dreams I had, I am standing in amazement towards the most High God. He truly lifted me higher and restored all the lost years, well we always put it like that, but looking back to those years I can call them preparation years. Those years formed my character, contributed in my experience of life and changed my heart. I love being a follower of Christ, life never gets bored and is always victorious, regardless of the storms we go through, Jesus ALWAYS WINS!

Also, I have made the bold decision to get a wordpress. New chapters in life mean new challenges and change. You can read all about my new stories as well on www.mellifluousmusing.wordpress.com. There you can find out what I want to achieve with my blogging, what I mean with 'mellifluous musing', new exposures and well.. just my adventures which I'd like to share with you!

Thank ya'll so much for giving me 4 years of love here on blogpost, I wouldn't have dared to make a wordpress without all of your encouragements and shout outs! I will not shutdown this blog, so you can all keep reading my very first posts ever whenever wherever, if interested. And I will post the same stuff here as on wordpress

X's & O's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Water of life.

Those rainy, cloudy mornings in bed.. How I love them! They make me sleep better and longer, they give me this feeling of cosines and make me want to do exactly nothing at all. Yes it's one of those rainy spring days here in Holland, if you are Dutch you know that rain and spring time perfectly get along, sadly enough rain and summer even. But to enjoy these rainy days by being at home and having nothing planned all afternoon is just delightful. It gives me time to post, read, study and of course have time with God.

My fondness of the rain is very contradictive though. 

I detest the days when I'm walking or cycling outside without my umbrella and water drops start to pour out of heaven like some kind of waterfall. You'll find me saying things like; 'WHY LORD WHY NOW' or 'why you had to ruin my hair though' or 'no?  Hadn't I have a shower already?'  Yes those are the days when I dislike that 4-letter word which have to make me soaking wet, ruin my hair and make me look like a clown because of the non-waterproof mascara I have on. 

But on the other hand I love the way nature smells when it's been nourished by the water, the way the sky is so crystal clear it makes me glad. I love the way the rain stands for washing away all the dirt and mess which polluted the earth. All things are so clear after a rain fall, like everything is made new.

The reason why I love the rain is that, it stands for what God's rain does when it washes us completely. When He rains on us with His unconditional love, mercy, peace and new life; He makes us new. He makes us whiter than snow, brighter than the sky and He does it in a whim. God washes away all the dirt, shame, mess, pain and all other things with His rain and replaces them with a new life filled with beauty, glory, fruits, grace, elegance, hope and love. He comes down when you least expect it and gives you a brand journal to write your life story on, together with Him. He nourishes us daily with His life, Word, refreshments and He takes care of us willingly. He doesn't condemn our downfalls, in the contrary, He picks us up, heals our wounds and lifts our heads. 

''Look God is greater than we can understand. He draws up the water vapor and then distills it into rain. The rain pours down from the clouds and everyone benefits. Who can understand the spreading of the clouds and the thunder that rolls forth from heaven? See how He spreads the lightning around Him and how it lights up the depths of the sea. By these mighty acts He nourishes the people, giving them food in abundance. '' - Job 36:26-31.

He fills this earth with His rain, His nutrition and His splendor. The rain which tends to ruin my hair is the rain which illustrates how He works in our hearts, how He makes us new, bright and crystal clear, how He beautifies us. Also it makes me appreciate the little things, as I said the smell of nature, the moving clouds up in the sky, the rainbow afterwards which reminds me of God's promises, you name it.

And therefore, I will be thankful for His rain, for where would I be if He hadn't rain down on me and gave me life.

X's & O's

Fight for those who matter.

It's quite ironic how someone whom you refered to as ''friend'' can turn out to be someone you used to know. Years can go by, laughters, cries, arguments, encouragements, confessions, bonds, friendships, life time memories even, for it to change and turn into nothing but ''used to be's''. I guess it's part of the circle of life, if I may state it like that. A certain process that never ends, meeting people, making friends, meeting some more people, making new friends, having the old ones still be your friends, but not being part of your daily lives etc.

Like lets say, when we're kids and we go to primary school and at the very first day we make new friends and we proudly introduce them to our parents so they can arrange playing dates for us, it's not as if we can discuss our likes and dislikes and determine from that point on we have the same interests and therefore need to be friends. It's this unspoken connection that just sort of flows and eventually grows on us. Or when we grow older and go to secondary school and some of us are trying to fit in and be part of the cool kids, and the others just want to mind their own business without any trouble. When two oldtime friends each belong to the other ''group'' this is mostly where the fracture begins. But this doesn't only happen during school though, throughout our entire lives, we make friends, meet new people, make some new friends, sometimes we lose in touch with our old friends and so on. We don't always lose in touch with our friends, but sometimes the bond of friendship just isn't strong enough to keep the two together.

It's weird really, because isn't that what friendship is all about though? Having your person be there for you no matter what and vice versa? It's not always about sharing the same interests or having a complete replica of yourself, it's so much more then the gossip you share to keep the conversation going, or the meaningless laughs if not from the heart. It's not always about agreeing with the behaviour of the other and saying the things the other wants to hear, but more about what the other needs to hear, about bringing up the best in each other, supporting each other, having fun, to be able to be yourselves, or discovering yourself even. It's about the memories and bonds you share and those being stronger than the misfortunes that have occured or the passing by of time. It's about fighting for the ones you love and cherish dearly, about giving a piece of yourself without wanting anything in return, about trust and thereby entrusting your heart to someone without being afraid to get hurt. And of utmost importance: it's about devotion, effort, understanding, patience, trust, that unspoken bond you share that nobody else gets, that non-egocentric way of putting someone else first, all of which flow from the love you share.

Yes, true friendship is worth fighting for! And I know I haven't always done that exactly and therefore I am so deeply sorry, but what I also know is that friendship is a two way interaction sorta thing. It's about give and take in an equal way, so when things don't always go as planned, there isn't just one person to blame. This is what I had to find out, after years of mentally punishing myself for not always being the bestest of a friend I could be. And I would like to spare some of ya'll the inner combat, some things happen for a reason, some things are your fault and some things aren't. But beating yourself up about it won't change a thing. Instead fight for the ones you love with every fiber of your being, so in the end you can say you have given your all, no matter what the turn out may being. Don't wait until you're total strangers to realize the importance of the ones you love, fight to keep them in your life. Because in the end, it's true what they say, love conquers all.

X's & O's.

Easter.

March 2013

So I've been so swamped in school work the last couple of weeks, that I really haven't had the time to post something. But what else is new right? Well at least I'm holding up to my 'one post a month' promise, I can give myself that. 

HAPPY EASTER all! I hope you all had a blessed day, I know I did! On this day I give a special praise to my Saviour who died for me but rose again from the dead, who released me from all sin, death, sickness and decay. And am so glad I got to do it with the best choir mates I could ever wish for. We sang praises to our King, glorified and honored Him with our voices. And I'm so thankful God has given me this opportunity, because it's a true cherishable gift. He loves us so unconditionally, sincerely and deeply and through Him I'm born again and forgiven, I'm justified against God and I thank Him for EVERYTHING! 

I'm keeping it on the short side today, because I'm still adjusting to this new 'summer-time-one-hour-less-sleep' thing since I woke up at 5.30 AM.. And I'm just dead beat tired to be frank.

Have a great Easter ya'll and stay blessed!

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by His great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance- an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. - 1 Peter 1:3-4.” 

X's and O's!

Blessed to be a blessing

February 2013.

So today was just an ordinary day. The holidays are over, school started again but one of the true highlights of today was that I finally slept like a babyafter MONTHS ! I really needed that. Today's post won't be about my sleeping issues of the last couple of months tho'.

As I was wandering around in the city, I saw a man I have seen many times before, handing out brochures. Of course I knew what kind of brochures they were since I recognized him, they stated ''Jesus saves and He loves you''. I'm sure many people recognize him because he hands these papers out almost every week. And as I was walking towards him this sence of respect came to my mind, like it comes up every time I see him. He's standing there, in the cold, alone, but determined to spread the word of God even though many people aren't interested in what he has to hand out (aware of what the note contains or not).  So the peculiar thing here was, as I approached him to accept his brochure like I always do when I see him, he smiled at me and told me - he didn't ask me - that I was a christian. And I told him that I was indeed, where his reply was ''I can tell''. He didn't tell me that he figured it out because I always accept his notes, or that he was a mind reader or something, but that he could tell by my charisma.

After this encounter I was thinking about it and felt this sense of joy and privilege. This not because he basically told me I have a nice charisma, but by the fact that I always pray to God for Him to enwrap me with His love and presence in such a way that people will be able to see Him when they see me. And if He'll teach me His ways, this can be through my attitude towards some things, or to be there when people need my aid, to stand up for those who can't, to pray for and with the hopeless, to smile more often, to complain less and love more, basically to see life as a blessing. And as I was feeling this joy and privilege, again the thought came to mind: how I admire this man. I mean he's of age and I know for a fact that he knows that many people don't appreciate his old-fashioned way of evangelizing, but he does it anyway!

I for starters, have always felt this kind of awkwardness when it comes to spreading the word of God on the streets, while I'm pretty enthusiastic girl if I may say so myself. A friend of mine told me that it was the embarrassment and that as a child of God there should be no place for it. But I refused to accept that because I'm not afraid to tell anyone that I'm a christian and that Jesus is my Savior. I'm not ashamed to talk to my friends, relatives and classmates about what Jesus has done for all of us, but when it comes to strangers on the streets, I just have no clue what to tell them in such a way I can interest them and keep the conversation going. Then I faced the fact that I actually was embarrassed, because when it came down to strangers I'd rather keep quiet, just because it was more easy and less confronting.

But as I came to realise, it's not just enough to call myself a christian, to go to church every Sunday, to tell my friends and family all about Him and praying how I want to be more like Him if the main thing He did is what I'm most afraid of. Jesus told as many people as he could who He was, who His Father was and what He came to do. And when He resurrected He urged us to ''go in the world and spread the word of God''. I need to stop caring of what others will think or say of me and just start sharing the blessing I'm blessed with. I need to be more like that man in the city, spreading the word of God no matter what people say. I need to start trusting the Holy Spirit: He'll give me the right words to say and God will do the rest, I need to start believing that I can make a difference because God has set me apart for His mighty work. And last bot not least, I need to start my sentences with ''I can and I will'' because God is in my favour.

For all who feel insecure, awkward, ashamed sometimes, when God takes over in your life let Him take over completely, because when He does, all of those fears will disapear for confidence will rise when you act in His name! Consistency, determination, boldness and authority are a few out of many features you'll posses when You start depending on Jesus and will follow His footsteps.

Start being a blessing to others NOW! God will provide, He always has and He always will!

X's & O's!

That thing called love.

If ya'll are thinking : 'Hey didn't you just wrote a love post?' My response will be: 'Yes, another love post, like it or love it!'

Why do we push away love?

The word love and the act of it in itself is so underrated. Everyone wants to feel loved at least once in a while, feel special and even thought about. Love makes people happy, it puts a smile on grim faces, gives butterflies, makes hearts beat faster, it gives hope and confidence etc.

But how come when people say ''I love you'' lately the magic is gone, or it's said out of habit? Or better yet, how come we don't tell our loved ones we love them more often? It's like the act of love gives us a certain vulnerabilaty we often don't appreciate, because it exposes us, makes us look weak, gives a free passage to rejection, hurt, dissapointments and anger. All kinds of emotions which ache to deal with and therefore we are willing to do anything to make us not feel them at all. But love is so much more than that. 

love  

/ləv/

Noun An intense feeling of deep affection

I know everybody defines love in his/her own perspective. This was the dictionaries' : An intense feeling of deep affection. Every word in this description can saperately be seen as an individual description of the word love. 

Intense: strong, extreme, ridiculously, madly, NEARLY limitless. 

Feeling: empathy, sensitivity, open heartedness, vulnerable.

Deep: lost in love, falling, sincere, in it for the long ride.

Affection: caring, attachment, hearty, genuine. 

Of course this doesn't describe love completely, because no matter how beautifully used words are, love can't fully be described by them, only by heart. Our heart is the measure of our profound inner feelings and our given inner feelings towards people and our heart wants to love, it wants to care, it wants to give affection. But our minds often limit it, out of fright, caution, shelter or whatsoever the reason is. But our minds can't satisfy our need of wanting to be loved and cared for, but in order to be loved we need to be willing to give love as well. And as stated above love is ridiculous, extreme, genuine, it will make us stumble, be vulnerable, open hearted, but it will give us sincereness, happiness, courage, strength, fierceness, wild rides, adventure, peace and patience. 

Don't build walls around your heart to provoke you from loving, it will only provoke you from eventually feeling anything all. Love is scary and painful sometimes, but it teaches us the matter of life, it gives us the oppertunity to grow, be independent, cautious, smart, wise and eventually be a better person. We need to love like kids again; hopeful, unconditional, warm, silly and fearless.

So to get back at what started this post in the first place: when you tell your family, friends, neighbors, boyfriends, girlfriends, husband and wives you love them, do this fearless, open heartedly, genuinely, because you might make their day/week/month/year/life, don't say it out of habit or custom, you might as well say nothing at all.

Everybody wants to be loved once in a while! 

 X's & O's!

In loving memory of a father and loved one.

Start being greatful now and not tomorrow, life is too short! This is one of my many motto's in life! 
The story of my dear friend touched me, we never really realise how difficult it is to lose someone until it
happens to us or someone close to us. That is when reality kicks in.. This is her reality.

It's so weird and wrong that a lot of the times when we have a moment of gratefulness, it's when something unfortunate happens either to us or to someone else in our environment. I taught myself to let it sink in everyday how fortunate and blessed I am, but this morning I was taken to a moment of gratefulness because of the loss of a loved one.

A dear friend of mine just lost her father. Wow, that is so much pain in one short sentence. Losing, in this situation, means that someone is out of reach: the term "too late" comes to mind. A million thoughts and emotions are taking over. "What can you do as a friend? How can you show your support? What do you say? What do you do?" and then there is even a natural moment of selfishness that raises the thought "What if it would happen to me?".

It takes you to a moment of intense appreciation of everything you have in life. The people, the ability to do everything you love to do and to even be thankful for the environment you are born in. To me personally, I direct all this thankfulness to God, because He is the one Who provided me with all this. And He is the one Who will continue blessing.

I am so sad for my dear friend. But I know that God is a very present help in time of need. He is our Refuge, our Hiding place, our Comforter and so much more. I pray that He watches over my friend and her family, and I know He will. He holds our hand and takes care of us even when we turn our backs. He provides peace and rest for our troubled souls. His love for us is unconditional; so big and so warm.


I think that happiness to me, is being truly grateful to God from the soul. This appreciation and positivity has helped me living a better me. I enjoy everything so much. You know the kind of enjoyment you see in movies. Like when they stare in nature, or look at the sunset and the background music is on point. My soul is happy, and this happiness will flow over in the rest that I am and do.

So again today I am thankful. I am thankful for life. For life itself, for the lives of my loved ones and for the life as a follower of Christ. And yes, I am so thankful for my dad.
And for the people that read this, please try to let every moment of your life sink in. It's a blessing! Don't let an unfortunate event be the reason for you to think about the things that you are blessed with. Start now, let it sink in and don't stop for a moment.

Written by Nina Akollo.

May God bless his soul! God is able to heal all wounds and restore all broken hearts. <3>

X's & O's ! 

I pinky promise this one.

Hey guys,

I know I have been extremely neglective lately concerning my blog..
But I am going to make it up to ya'll with new adventures, memories,
encouragements, inspirations, pictures, you name it, pinky promise.

Even though I love writing, blogging, capturing memories and all of
that, these couple of years have been so hectic that I have been procrastinating
writing more than anything else. Ironically I actually love to do this the most,
a part from reading of course, but we always make time for books. 

I accepted this new ''monthly post challenge'' my friend suggested, so
this way I'll post at least once a month, - instead of once every 3/4/5-
and I can scrap that from my ''to-do list''. Rather than an ''I'll post more
in 2013, promise'' challenge, where posting itself is a miracle. 

I have to give credits to my dear friend who triggered me again;
Eve Habarurema, and on top of that, she started blogging herself.
Ya'll should give her some love and keep up with her posts, I'm 
telling you she has an eye for these kinds of things. Till soooon!

www.oh-so-girly-stuff.blogspot.com !

X's & O's

No love poem, but just a love story from above.

Januari 2013.

What kind of love is this that consumes me, that molds my heart and moves me? Which kind of love is this that is not seen by men, that is not heard by the ears of a wise man, that is not spoken in our language and is not written in one of our common books? That love that holds my heart so heavily, that words can't describe and makes my feet tremble by being in it's presence. That love that tells me I'm perfectly made every day and that I am loved every moment of every day. That kind of love that makes everything complete and is the key to that missing part of me. That love that tells me I'm beautiful, smart, victorious, bold, an achiever and wise. That will always tell me the truth because It contains truth. Its being is righteous, because It entails light in the dark, ways at dead ends and reflection of ones' heart. 

God is love, love is God. The two can't excist without each other, take one, you take the other. He is so pure, so real and so vivid, therefore love which contains Him, is so as well. That's why it's of the utmost importance that He is and will always be the cornerstone of every form of relation. Let it be with friends, family, in dating or marriage, you name it. Let Him be the center of it, let Him be the foundation of each others' company! Before you can truly love another, you must first learn to love God, love yourself and know that God loved you first. 

Don't think you're alone, never feel not worthy, never feel ugly, because you're not. You are made out of the hands of God and never question His works, for He is perfect. Because He is perfect, you are perfect just as you are. And His love is forever real and wants to love you, to hold you in weakness, to consume your heart and fill every void there is. He wants to be the key, to close the door of that missing part in your deepest soul. The key mankind can never be, because no matter how badly someone loves you, if Gods' love is not visible in him/her the given love will remain incomplete and something will always be missing.

1 John 4 ~ ''We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love, live in God and God lives in them.'' ~

You are LOVED, you are beautiful, because you are you!

X's & O's!

Believing beyond testing, have unshakable faith in God.

december 2012.

So I was talking to the bestfriend in Spain and of course it started out as usual, joking, pranking, laughing, that kind of stuff, to be followed by the - ''hardknocklife'' - things we've been going through lately. Eventually it got real and she encouraged me once again and for that I'm so utterly grateful. It's most important to have people around you whom you can laugh and cry with of course, but most the most important thing is to have people around you who build you up. So you can become better, stronger and eventually the (wo)man after God's heart. And grateful to God, I have those people by my side and I know they won't be scared to tell me the -sometimes harshful -truth. It's the harshness we need at some point to break through that what is stopping you to press on.

But to continue, she encouraged me and she told me to watch a service called ''Believing beyond the testing.'' So I did and I have to say WOW! The pastor described every little thing I have been dealing with lately, but most imortant confronted me with it. I have been that sorta girl that wants it all but when it comes to cutting the ropes, backs off.. I have been walking around knowing that I will serve my God through the darkest pit. But when my faith was being tested, I let fear consume me and think God could not help me with this matter, that I tended to let go of that understanding. Or telling the Lord I will always trust His judgement but when certain things happen ask Him why.. 

God allows tests in your life so that you can discover who you're mirrored of. Your faith will be manifested by the test you encounter for your faith is only as strong as the test it overcomes. Every confession you make -whether it is to trust God in  everything, or to never forsake Him- always requires a matter of proving. The test is not the most important thing though, it is the faith in choosing how you'll handle that test and how you'll come out of it. He will not allow you to be tested beyond that you can bear, you can tell how highly God thinks of you by the tests He allows you to face. For than He believes you can handle that test.

Second, you must allow God to be God and not question His every move and not decide how you think it needs to be done or when. There are things only God knows and only He can comprehend so sometimes we need to know our limits and surrender our lack of understanding to God's magnificence. 

Keep going in all you do, quit doubting and keep on relying on God and God alone. The devil is not going to stop someone who isn't going anywhere, if you don't want to be tested greatly keep on doing the little things or do nothing. When you get through this, you will have a testimony to share and strengthen others with, for on the other side of your test lies your greatest victory.

Hebrews 11:1 ''Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can not see.''

X's & O's.

nine eleven.

Where has hatred brought us, that we are able to cause damage to the innocent?
How can we be so caught up in anger that the pain we cause is so permanent.
Blinded by emotions we act out of despair leaving nothing behind but a heartache so rare.
How is it, that we are able to bring up such misery to fellow human beings and look them in the 
eyes and claim it to be righteousness? 
The act of war, death, defeat, anger, madness or any form of that matter is not righteous. If you
can not address a problem by using only words, don't feel the need to address the problem at all.

Where is this world going if people are able to just drive an airplane into a building filled with innocent people? Wars, going on for years but people don't even remember what they're fighting for? If people are still being prosecuted because they believe in the right of having freedom of speech and openly disagree with their country leader? What is the point of having it all if some of us can't be truly free? If some of us die for no reason at all.

We need to start seeing eachother as equals, no matter the religion, the skin colour, the education or profession. We need to start caring for our neighbour when in need or not, we need to start loving more, but most importantly we must start praying and believing more.

 Praying and gaining back our faith because tomorrow is not promised and that is something that counts for everyone. We can make a change, we are the change if we choose to be! Stop standing on your emotions and start depending on God, stop hating one another and start loving, stop hate crimes and start evangelizing. And above all, think before you act!!

Start being the positive change you want to see in the world.

This post is dedicated to the victims of 9/11 and their families. May the good God almighty give you peace and hope! 

X's & O's.

Not reframing lifetime moments but reliving.

So I had an unexpected summer. I experienced my summer totally different from how I had planned it to be, but this just reminds me that life can't be fully planned. It goes how it goes and you just have to buckle up and make something of the ride. I'm not even going to explain in detail, I'll save that for a whole other post.
This is just a little recap; 'highlights from the past 3 months' so it won't be forgotten.

Summer of 2012 you have been quite the adventure.

X's & O's. 

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

That one moment when you feel like you stand on top of the world, that moment when you do that something you're really good at and the feeling it can give you. It wipes out all the inequalities, fears, doubts, insecurities and indignity. 

Yes, what I'd do to get that one moment back, at times when I'm strugglin hard with the twists life burdens me with, when I feel sucky, when I know I'm powerless in difficult situations, those are the times I wish I could have that moment of satisfaction, perfection, where nothing else matters, when I'm actually in charge and know what I'm doing.




But what I also know is that I can't be in charge all the time, because I just have to except the fact that I can't be good at everything and that sometimes I have to struggle real hard just to get a ''so-so'' result or nearly bare life. And know that I have to deal with the perfect result of the person next to me and still be able to represent mine with the same pride and make it seem like mine has the same quality but only looks differently. It's all about the presentation, it's the representation that matters! 

The same goes with new radical, liberal ideas! What if historical leaders didn't have the guts and at the same time the pride to represent their ''black whole of nothing'' ideas into something, in to a whole movement which would eventually change the lives of many, what if they'd stop every time they got a ''so-so'' result, everytime they faced rejection, everytime life knocked them down.. They took out the best qualities of their ideas and talked about it with a certain enthusiasm, self-esteem and passion which got others excited as well.. And that's the key to any kind of succes!




We will certainly have those moments of insecurities, of failure, dissapointment and frustration but it's the way you look up to those situations that will determine how you will cross that finish line, it's the acknowledgement that you're not good at a certain thing but still will never give up, you'll never stop trying, you will always be proud of yourself for the thing you've accomplished and make others know that you're proud! That's what you'll be remembered for, that's what you'll leave behind, that is the kind of sufficiency this world needs.


~ Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.

XOXO

God has taken me many places, but not one compares to that special place. I had lost my way, but I have found it once again. I thank You, most high.

Is there anything too large, too impossible, too challenging for the most High? Isn't He the One who made the waters flow, who made the mountains as high as the sky, who made the trees, grass and flowers. Who made nature so beautiful and liberating. He who made me from head to toes, He who breathed His air into me so I could have life.

Life sometimes doesn't always turn out to be as we have planned. It has many surprises, some good and some bad. It can take us through some difficult places, some painful, some shameful, some beautiful but some unbearable too. It can take everything we have away from us, it can take our happiness in one second. It can give us failure, success, wealth, poverty, health, sickness, love, loneliness and much more. Many times we quite do not understand why we have to have the good with the bad, it seems so unfair.. ''Why is it happening to me?'' We mostly wonder during stressful and hard times. Some tend to blame God during these moments of distress, out of anger, unawareness, or pain. But seem to forget Him in times of joy, or happiness, or just when everything isn't good but not necessarily bad either. These are not just the non-believers, I myself caught myself doing the exact same thing several times, when things just got too much for me.

Life has brought me to so many places I'd rather not been, I'd rather not seen, I'd rather not experienced (yet). It has torn me apart, made me angry, mad, not in peace with myself, content but not happy, but has made me laugh, made me loved by so many people, strong, humble, a fighter, a believer and hopeful aswell. Grew up in a broken household, with a sick mom, no dad, with a much older brother, a family on the other side of the world, felt confused, ugly, fat, not loved, made me search love everywhere but couldn't find the love I needed.

''I don't belong in this world'' were the words that caught my heart every time, ''no one will miss me anyway.'' I was very loved by my mom, brother and family who came here over the years, don't get me wrong. But I just couldn’t feel/accept it, because I felt I needed the love of a whole famil, I thought my dad didn't love me and just wanted him to be there, to take care of mom, and my brother and me.

I wanted out, but God had different plans with my life, He enwrapped me with His majesty, with His caring touch and draw me close to Him. Into His arms of eternal love and let me know I was loved, I díd matter, I was important to Him and showed me that I was important to the people around me. He revealed their love towards me, His love towards me, He made me conscious of my blessings, of my opportunities, that my dreams weren't ridiculous, weren't impossible. That day I saw the Lord, He took me to that place, that secret place where I could be with Him, where peace took over all the fears, brokenness, anger, failures and disappointments of the world.

I just want to say, I know all will be alright it doesn't matter where you stand in life, how much you have messed up, it is never too late for the most High while you are still alive. You are forgiven before you even know you have been forgiven. Life can knock you down, chew you up and spit you out just like that, people can disappoint, love can fail but God never EVER does! He remains constant, like the river flow, He'll remain standing just like the unmovable mountain, He'll bring liberation just like running through a field and laying down in its green fresh grass. We can always have that one moment, that turning point, where all of our mistakes, our disobedience doesn't matter and is forgiven.

And in His presence all I can do is fall down on my knees and cry, because His presence is amazing and even now, I have been wrong, I have run away, turned my back against Him, but I came back, because ''living'' in this world isn't worth living if I have to do it without Him. The void I felt inside is not what He has in store for me.

He founds me special, has plans for my life, has made way for me, will take me to different beautiful places, loves me unconditionally, holds me together. He Who holds the world together, founds me special, founds us all special! You, me, everyone, It doesn't matter what has happened in the past, it doesn't matter what will happen in the future, He was, is and always will be the same forgiving, loving, caring God!

Don't run away now and miss  your blessings, but embrace them as He wants to embrace you, you do matter, you are important!

Kissed away my problems when I went insane, fished me from the bottom when I lost my name gave me something I could live for.

Have you ever felt so lost that even breathing hurts? So lost that the thought of fighting the battle didn't seem worthy enough.. So lost, that you're just too tired of trying. 

Dreams and hope seem to be far away from here, it feels like I'm drowning in the dissapointment of them. But where did it ever go so wrong? I used to reminisce about my dreams forever! In the summer I would lay down in the grass at night, look up to the sky whilst seeing a heaven so bright; filled with hundreds of stars. Counting each star and writing (in thought) every dream of mine in it.

Deep down I knew most of them wouldn't come true, but ah well dreams will be dreams. I think I was too frightend to face the real world. So are my dissapointments really dissapointments, or did I just held on to something I really needed to let go?!

In fact I couldn't see the real beauty of this world; to feel the wind brease during springtime, or feel the sun touch my skin during summer time, to smell the earth after the rain during fall or to play in the snow during the winter. The little things we forget about in life, because time passes us by when we're too busy with our own things. So upset about how it is a rainy country, this little Holland, while Africans are dwelled in draught. Too lazy to get up for work or school and would rather sleep in, while others dream about waking up early and go to school/work to learn something. How a little kid, in lets say India yearns to run around down the streets instead of working hard for a penny a day. 

What I mean to say is; no one said it would be easy, growing up and becoming an independent individual. No one said we wouldnt't face problems or difficult times, no one said life would be great all the time. But we had the chance to be a kid and dream to be the president, or a docter, lawyer, artist etc. and actually follow our dream while many kids didn't/don't. We must complain less, work harder and be the change we want to see in the world. Because change won't come by us sitting around, there are lots of kids who would love to tread places.. but life doesn't work that way.

So you múst follow your dreams and you múst follow your hopes wherever it takes you and conquer your doubts and fears. Believe, go there where the dream takes you. There where your heart longs to be, believe and go where your heart is meant to be. Don't give up, how many times life strikes you down, just get up and try again.

 It will be a long journey but you will enjoy the ride, don't forget to relax a little and take the time  to hear the birds sing, or smell the flowers blossom, don't forget to take the time to really live.

(http://dreamlikelouisa.tumblr.com/)

(http://dreamlikelouisa.tumblr.com/)

Godbless, <333.